she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm at about main and main street
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
