I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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