Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She bit a glass in half.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
