My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
