Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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