Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
