guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
