There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
