what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
