Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
