You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
