Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I stole a fireplace last night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
