My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
