And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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