I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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