i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize