im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
