You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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