Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
