She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
