Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
