Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
