And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
