I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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