Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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