Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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