After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She's the barista slut.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
