Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize