I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
