I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
