and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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