This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
