Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need a beard to bite.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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