is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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