please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
