So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
