Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
