That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
