One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
God, I missed his penis.
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