I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Alive.
So much puke
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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