how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
