her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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