i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want to have your abortion
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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