Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize