This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
