Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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