Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
