Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
