Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How's work?
Spinning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think your dad took our porno
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
