he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
