dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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