Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
