can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
