I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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