She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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