Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
