quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
