No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
