I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize