that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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