Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
