Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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