She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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