I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
