when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
