why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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