OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
