I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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