Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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