Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just puked most of my soul out..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize