votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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