so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
