Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
