I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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