her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
