he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
