I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am available for nakedness
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
