There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
