Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
