Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
