Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
