She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
