check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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