Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
