How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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