I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
