He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Someone came in the potted fern
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
