i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
