Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
