I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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