Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
