Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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