Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
