sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
