Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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