we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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