I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
