Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
