My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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