You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
