halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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