Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
