Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
