i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
