i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
